I feel like I’ll never be able to tell my own Mother this anytime soon. It’s sad, because where were you when I needed a shoulder to cry on? Where were you when I needed somebody to talk to? Where were you when I needed that extra boost of confidence to get me through school? Where were you when I needed somebody to tell me that I’m not a waste of space, worth someones time, and not unappreciated as long as you’re around? Where the fuck were you when I needed a Mother figure to look up to, and to learn from?
Nowhere, unfortunately. & When you were in front of me for the first time in years, you slapped it in my face that I’m not getting anywhere in life, and that I’m nothing but a disappointment.
I do love you, but sometimes I question even calling you my Mother.
I’m dying in the inside, suffering on a daily, and slowly suffocating.
Death sounds a little too beautiful, and it’s sad to say that I wouldn’t mind taking my own life to prevent this feeling to escalate even further.
I’m at this party, suppose to be in a good mood and what not, but I’m just sitting here thinking about why you don’t seem interested in “talking” to me.
I mean, shit. Don’t have me sneak out, cuddle, make a move, kiss me, tell me unnecessary shit, hold my hand, and mention that we’ll talk more.. when you really don’t want to show any kind of effort.
I’m trying really hard to just shrug it off, but something about you drives me a little crazy.
Today was nice, but it would have been better if I had the self confidence to hold your hand, wipe the tears running down your eyes, and gave you a kiss goodbye which would mean I’ll see you soon doll. I’m scared to try because what if I’m not suitable to put a smile on that pretty face of yours?
You sorta stand out, and I don’t mind that at all. I would drive across town, and go through ridiculous extents just to see you for a few more minutes.
I’m so tired of being a struggle to family, so watch.. I’ll have a job this summer, I’ll save up to money to move out a week or two after my 18th birthday, get a license, and I’ll graduate to please myself.
Even if I don’t go to college right away, I’ll strive to put my sister through it, attempt to support my Grandma, and be there when family needs me. I’ll be worth something someday, and my dreams will just happen before my very eyes.